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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

League Assignment: Ninja Assault Draft Team!

Fantasy football season is upon us and I know not everyone is a fan of football, but I think it’s safe to say that everyone is a fan of ninjas. This week’s topic was suggested by UnderScoopFire’s Howie Decker, and it is sure to put hair on your chest…

Who would you take in an 80′s character fantasy draft? Your team’s goal will be to defeat a shady conglomerate of Russian businessmen and their team of hired ninjas. It’s go time.

The 80's offer up the ultimate listing of big time and small time ass-kickers of all varieties...I was thinking of going all blockbuster heroes going at our comically generic yet fascinating foes (Honestly, these antagonists seem like we stuck the Leathal Weapon series into a blender, added some camp and there you  have it)  Hell, I was thinking in assembling a team of all Stallone characters or, better yet, all Kurt Russell characters.  Even for better obscurity yet hilarious results look no further than Bill Paxton characters. God knows there are  plenty of them.  

Anyway, as homage to this summer's blockbuster "the Avengers", I'm assembling an Avenger iniative of my own to take on these villains of the Eastern Hemisphere.  Try to guess who stands in for who.

Sarah Connor:  Starts off pretty meek and mild mannered in the beginning but boy does she find her psychotic, armed-to-the-teeth stride by the second movie.  Ninjas, you're terminated.
Officer Tackleberry:  For the man who is allowed to carry everything but hand grenades in his locker, I think this friendly peace officer would definitely bring some decent hardware to this party.

Jack Torrance: Because everyone needs an insane writer turned caretaker who hates his family and is struggling with alchoholism...I think he'd do a fine job just freaking the ninjas out.

Ed-209: He may have been an enemy but is still is a robot and thus can be reprogrammed.  I wouldn't mind having this guy in my corner.  "Ninjas, lay down your swords.  You have 20 seconds to comply."  I think you better do what he says.

Sloth:  We never really got to see Sloth on full on Super Sayan mode...at any point in the Goonies I always was half-expecting him to yell something along the lines of "It's clobberin time!" or "You won't like me when I'm angry, ma!"

Adolphus:  Who could forget the eagle-eyed rifleman from the Adventures of Baron Munchausen?  Apparently everyone since this movie did horribly and nobody really remembers it but I always liked this character and as a sniper, he could definitely just surpass the ninjas and get the dozen Russian headshots needed to blow this popstand.
Check, one, two for some fellow League-sters.
Green, Plastic Squirtgun teams up Ash, Predator and Link...not bad.
Memories of Toymorrow fights fire with ninjas!
Lair of the Dork Horde crosses his T's with Eternia, noice!

That Figures blows my mind with factional heroes...honestly, why hasn't this movie been made?

Monster Cafe Saltillo googled 80's Ninjas and here's what he found!


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